Friday, June 30, 2006
Justice, Mercy, Corrections, and Bath Time
Our 4 year old is still cute and adorable, and he has not yet learned that lying can get you out of trouble. Yesterday afternoon he was playing with his sister and some neighbors, when his sister came crying to us, saying, "Trevor says I'm on Satan's team!" Oh. So I asked adorable T-Bear about this, "Did you tell Grace...?" Trevor replies, "Yes," in a surprisingly matter of fact tone. As a result, he had to tell his sister he was sorry, and listen to my profound yet simple wisdom of never doing that again.
Soon later, the scene repeats itself. Again, I ask Trevor if this "Satan's Team" comment is true, and again, he answers "yes," without any fanfare or defense. So now it is time out, saying "I'm sorry" to Grace, again, then to me for not obeying my directions, and life goes on.
Finally, when playing Star Wars light sabres with his older brother Ryan, I hear the accusation that Trevor really whacked Ryan in the shins with a light sabre. So, a third time, I ask the accused, and he still replies, "Yes"
So now what? Do I praise his honesty? Any kid should know that if you are accused by a sibling but not caught in the act by a parent, the safest responses are:
- Defend yourself by explaining what an incompetent buffoon your brother or sister is
- Lie
I once read that a parent should never punish a child for telling the truth. I never knew how to really apply that in real life, until now. Trevor was crying by this point, so I figure he is either remorseful or very tired from his exciting day with Grandma, so I extended mercy by giving no other correction other than an early bath time, which he needed anyway. Mercy through avoiding the harsher discipline he earned, justice by moving him away from a situation.
After the bath, which he cried through most of, he got dressed and lay down on the couch with a Veggie Tales video. Eventually his older brother and sister joined him, and the family was at peace once again. Not only that, but I didn't feel like a LoserDad because I lost my temper and went over the top.
The lesson I learned from this is that I don't have to get upset and overpunish when my my children act like I did when I was their age. Stop, look, listen, say a prayer, and look for restoration, not vengance. If you do, then resolution will come peacefully.
